Motherhood can be the most beautifully transformative time of our lives but it can also be incredibly lonely. You’re wrapped up in feedings, nap schedules, and navigating your child’s latest phase, and somewhere between your adult friendships can start to fade into the background.
If you’ve ever felt this tug-of-war between wanting deep connections and struggling to find time or energy for them, you’re not alone. Making and maintaining friendships in adulthood especially as a mum isn’t easy. But it’s necessary.
Making Friends as an Adult Feels Like Dating
Let’s be honest: making friends as an adult feels…awkward. You’re no longer in school where friendships were formed in lunch queues or during PE. Now, it’s awkward small talk at the park, forced smiles at nursery drop-off, or maybe a hopeful exchange of numbers after a baby class.
It’s hard. You’re sizing people up in the same breath you’re trying to keep your toddler from wandering off. And with time so limited, every interaction feels like it needs to “count.” The truth is, forming new friendships takes time, patience, and a bit of vulnerability especially when you’re in the thick of motherhood.
But finding someone who just gets it? Who doesn’t flinch when your toddler throws a tantrum mid-conversation? That kind of connection is priceless.
Maintaining Friendships When Life Changes
And when you become a mum, your entire world shifts but that doesn’t mean everyone else’s does. Some friendships naturally evolve, others quietly drift. And then there are those rare gems that adapt with you.
You might feel guilt for not texting back right away or missing a friend’s birthday dinner because your baby had a tummy bug. You might start to wonder: Am I a bad friend?
You’re not. You’re just navigating a new version of yourself and the right friends will understand that. Friendship in this season isn’t always about quantity of time, but the quality of understanding. Sometimes it’s voice notes instead of phone calls. Memes instead of meetups. But it all still counts.
Choosing Your Circle with Intention
Not everyone can walk with you into motherhood and that’s okay. This season teaches you to be intentional with your energy and space. You need friends who don’t just understand your schedule, but your heart.
The older we get, the more we realise it’s not about having a long guest list, it’s about having the right ones at your table. Choose friends who make space for your truth, your chaos, and your growth. And don’t be afraid to lovingly let go of those who can’t.
Friendships With Single Friends or Friends Without Kids
This dynamic can be tricky. You love them, but sometimes the disconnect feels too wide. They want spontaneous brunches or late-night catch-ups, while you’re managing routines and living on four hours of sleep.
But these friendships can still be life-giving. They bring perspective, fun, and remind you of parts of yourself you don’t want to lose. The key is communication and compromise. Let them into your world even if it’s messier now. And stay curious about theirs.
Just be honest: “Hey, I can’t do dinner at 8pm, but how about coffee and a walk with the baby at 10am?” The ones who matter will meet you where you are.
Navigating Friendships With Other Mums
There’s nothing quite like the bond of fellow mums who just get it. They understand the silent scream when your toddler throws a tantrum mid-conversation, or the tears that come with sleep deprivation.
But not all mum-friendships are created equal. Sometimes the only thing you have in common is your child’s age, and that’s okay. You don’t have to force a deep bond with every mum at the playground. Find the ones whose vibe feels like home. The ones you can be real with. The ones who will show up with coffee and kindness when your tank is empty.
These are the women who make motherhood feel less isolating and more like a team effort.
Your Circle Is Your Lifeline
In motherhood, adult friendships aren’t just “nice to have,” they’re essential. They remind us of who we are beyond the title of mum. They offer laughter on hard days, shoulders to cry on, and a safe space to say, “I’m not okay.”
So reach out. Send that message. Say yes to that walk. Make space for connection even if it’s just five minutes.
Because motherhood wasn’t meant to be done alone.
